Friday, 4 September 2009

Things I've Learned - An Occasional Series

I’ve learned a lot of new things in a very short time. Many of them are things that I possibly would have preferred not to know. I will share them with you anyway.

* Don’t pick your nose and eat it. I know your mother probably told you that already but I mean don’t do it at all, even when nobody is looking. It’s full of all the horrible chemo chemicals and tastes disgusting.

* The anti-sickness drugs they give one are very constipating. A strong cup of Laksetee before bed is a big help.

* Once all the hairs in your nose fall out your nose runs all the time. Stock up on pocket packets of Kleenex Balsam tissues. Sainsbury’s do a six-pack for £1.

* Your lips can get very dry. It is wise to keep tubes of lip balm in every handbag, by your bed and in the car.

* Chemo makes everything taste horrible – except for Green & Black’s Organic Dark Mint Chocolate.

* A helmet-head wig is a dead giveaway. Look for a wig that’s a bit messy and has lots of movement in it.

* It is much easier to take small sips of water from one of those squeezy sports bottles than it is to drink from a glass. I usually buy one and refill it a couple of times before I lose it, then buy another one.

* A teaspoon of Manuka honey a day helps to keep mouth ulcers at bay. It is also good for putting on cuts and burns.

* Another sure sign that you’re wearing a wig is that there is no scalp visible at the crown. Wear a hat over your wig to cover up the truth.

* An Hermès scarf always cuts a dash.

* Cancer is not your enemy. Fear is your enemy.