I have been thinking a lot lately, about love.
In the introduction to Chemo Chic I write that I “fell head over heels” with Nick. But I now acknowledge that as a lazy kind of shorthand to describe our early infatuation. I don’t believe that people “fall” in love, as one might fall down a hole in the road. There is a feeling, familiar to you as well as to me, that one will surely die if one cannot immediately and utterly possess the person who is the object of one’s desire. As Samantha puts it: "climb into their stomach and live there." That feeling, I can confidently say, is not love.
So what is love?
Here is my current perspective on the matter. First of all, one must be prepared to take a risk. Love is not a feeling; it is an action. Sheldon and I often have long talks on the telephone. Such conversations are often called ‘heart-to-hearts’. Think about it. “Love is time,” says Sheldon. I agree with him. Love is time; it is intimacy; it is desire; it is trust; it is courage; it is commitment; it is tolerance; it is respect. Above all, love is kindness. And it takes two people. Love is not something that just happens to us, rather it is something that we do.
I walked into love, with my eyes open. And now, I am walking back out of love.
But not away from it: I have the love of my friends and my family always. And I trust that I will take a risk on romantic love again. Maybe tomorrow? Maybe one day.