Sunday, 27 December 2009

Oh You Cruel Fool

Contrary to my expectations it is chilly and raining in Sydney. Contrary to my expectations Nick is not at the airport to meet me. Bewildered, I call him. Twenty minutes later he arrives.

We go out for delicious yum-cha (Chinese dumplings and all that, served from roaming trolleys) and then to the cinema to watch Avatar. This 3-D spectacular is the perfect entertainment for a jet-lagged body and mind. It is beautiful to watch and not complicated or difficult to understand. Unlike real life. Back at Nick’s flat Nick has an announcement: “Lily, I'm seeing someone else. I’m not in love with you.”

So, contrary to my expectations we will not be going on holiday in a camper van, nor driving up to Noosa to meet his parents, camping along the way nor any of the other lovely things that Nick had planned for us just recently when he was in love with me.

You make sense of it. I can’t. If there is anything I can learn from the situation it might be this: don’t have expectations.


shotgun said...

I'm so sorry to hear that. You're a beautiful and amazing woman and it's all his loss. Stay strong, keep writing and things will turn around. No expectations? Fuck Nick.

jennyb said...

Christ - that was unexpected ! Know we dont know each other and will never meet , but you blog has been extrodinary , fascinating , hilairious , sad , moving ,educative and has totally touched me . Just wish I could pop round yours and share a bottle of red and slag off men for being the total shits they generally turn out to be - your freakin amazing , sod that bloody Nick ,know that wont make you feel better ........xxxxxx

Anonymous said...

Jessica, I don't understand, he dumped you after the ops and came back to you, surely he can't have dumped you after you'd finished treatment, flown half way across the world and become separated from your support networks? This is not possible. Are you sure you understood him correctly; perhaps he meant he loves you and is not in love with you? I hope you are with your mum and the kind gentleman who helped to pay for your flight. Lots of love indy x

Anonymous said...

Sorry Jessica, i'm still not sleeping...I've had another thought...people can be goofs; perhaps, nick/simon/mark whatever his name is, is just overwhelmed and feeling inadequate? Afterall, you've been through hell and back and sometimes people just may feel all mixed up when their faced with reality - it's not always easy being with a loved one, on one's own territory (so to speak) and you've not been in Australia for ages. Perhaps your man felt like a rabbit in front of headlights and got his thoughts and words all jumbled up? I do hope this 'benefit of the doubt' comment proves true and this mess sorts itself out soon. Take care and Lots of Love indy x

Anonymous said...

I wish he was a rabbit in front of the headlights of a speeding bus!
Thinking of you and hoping that in spite of his extraordinary 'fuck wit' behavior you will still have an amazing time.
love H

Unknown said...

Where's your Zen when you need it? You didn't need the stress that's for sure. Must be awful bewildering, can imagine what its like though as my sister had a similar experience.
Her long term partner bolted when she went in to have surgery to "debulk" her 10th nerve schwannoma tumor which was invading her brain space.
Hers is an ongoing situation - which is why I thanked you for the Cyberknife in London tip you accidentally gave me.

He knew it was ongoing, but bolted when came time to stand up and be counted. He disappeared for 6 weeks then returned and said he hadn't understood. What rubbish. I said he was a fair weather friend. In the longer term I was right sadly.

Are you coming to Queensland anyway?
X Jude

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry your going through this, it's crap at any time but this is really cruel.. after all you have been through you deserve so much better!..and your quite right, he surely hasn't lived up to any expectations!!.. Don't forget that your special and what you have done for others (inc. me) on this site is amazing..stay strong special lady!

Iris said...

The guy is a sadistic twat with a Napoleon complex; this is the 2nd time he has hurt you when you are at your most vulnerable. Your relationship with him served a purpose and you had some great times. He will probably come crawling back, his type invariably do. Have the faith, courage and dignity to walk away - you have great things ahead of you.

thequarefella said...

Sorry to hear about this lily but I gotta have my say. I was never able to trust Nick after he dumped you on your hospital bed, but tolerated him (just) because he was important to you. You deserve so much better than this and in my view he was never worthy of you in the first place.
His to-ing and fro-ing with your emotions is ridiculous and his timing unbelievable. Could he not have broached this before you arrived, so that you could have made a more informed choice about travelling and some practical arrangements. And more fool you (said with love) for allowing him to treat you this way. Kick this loser to the kerb, he is a typical hetero rat who just wants to screw lots of women, basically, and is couching it with cliched romantic language..."not in love with you" etc.
You deserve so much better, when are you going to realise this?