Wednesday, 5 August 2009

How to Get a Wig - Part 2

Time passes in a delirious, under-water movie kind of way. It’s day three in the bed. The phone is ringing...

“Hello this is Janine from the surgical appliances department at St Mary’s.” I detect a subtle but significant change in Janine’s demeanour. Not exactly kindly but conciliatory may be the word to sum it up. “I’ve sorted everything out. I’m going to send you a voucher for a wig. Take it to the wig shop in Craven Street. You can have whatever colour you like. It won’t be human hair because your hair is going to grow back. I’m sending the voucher by first class post. You might not get it today but you should get it tomorrow.” I’m speechless with joy and gratitude. Thank you, thank you Janine, or Janine’s twin sister or whoever you are. Then I’m gripped by a thought even more wondrous than being allowed to choose a wig in any colour that takes my fancy. What if, oh, what if the wig shop in Craven Street turns out to be the legendary ‘Gilbert’s Hairdressing Academy’, purveyors of ladies’ hairpieces and gentlemen’s toupees, from the TV docu-soap ‘Paddington Green’? I call Iris pronto. She is overjoyed at the possibility. “Get out of bed and get a cab and let’s get down there NOW.” I hang up and sink back into delerium.