Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Magic Soap


The popular convention amongst bloggers seems to be: find a niche subject and then stick to it like Araldite. That is to say, prepare a recipe from some old cookbook every day of one’s life or spend a year chronicling one’s addiction to collecting Hello Kitty figurines.
You may have noticed that I’m not very good at that. My tendency is to wander away from the matter in hand quite quickly. I will start out talking about wigs and make-up and pretty soon find myself discussing funerals, drugs or depression. It's a morbid habit, I know. But I feel that I may achieve a temporary consistency with my beauty product reviews. Why? I just love beauty products.

Anyway, this will make it two in a row, so I’m on a roll.

Mum sent me a bottle of this soap when I was having chemotherapy. First of all, I love the label. Its claims put me in mind of the kind of thing that might have tripped from the lips of some snake-oil salesman out of Huckleberry Finn. Here are just a few extracts: Absolute cleanliness is Godliness! Teach the Moral ABC that unites all mankind free.’... ‘100% VEGAN. HEALTH IS OUR GREATEST WEALTH.’... ‘Shakespeare’s Hamlet, 1606: “Act well your part, complete the great full-truth task, there all the honour lies".'... ‘Enjoy only 2 cosmetics, enough sleep & Dr Bronner’s ‘Magic Soap’ to clean body-mind-soul-spirit instantly uniting One!’... ‘All-One! All-One! Exceptions eternally? Absolutely none!’

The soap itself feels silky on the body. It is liquid, rather than gel. A little goes a long way, an 8oz / 236ml bottle has lasted me several months. It does not froth up like many shower gels that contain foaming agents but it rinses off easily and leaves my skin feeling fresh and alive. The peppermint oil gives a lovely tingle.

Even after studying the label at length I still have not figured out what all the 18 possible uses might be but those that I did read include: washing the body; a face pack; cleaning teeth; washing hair; a body rub; shaving; baby bath; washing silks and woollens and washing the car.

So far I’ve used Dr Bronner’s Magic Soap primarily for washing my body and shaving my armpits. For both of those applications I highly recommend it.

Ingredients (from the Dr Bronner’s website): Water, Organic Coconut Oil*, Potassium Hydroxide**, Organic Olive Oil*, Mentha Arvensis*, Organic Hemp Oil, Organic Jojoba Oil, Organic Peppermint Oil*, Citric Acid, Tocopherol
* CERTIFIED FAIR TRADE INGREDIENTS ** None remains after saponifying oils into soap and glycerin

Monday, 19 July 2010

Heavenly Rose Oil


In past posts I have touched on the debate about harmful ingredients in cosmetics and beauty products. I say ‘touched on’ because this is still not something that I feel I can discuss with any confidence. Every time I try to gen up on the subject I find myself being sucked into a labyrinth of complex chemical names, difficult to read research papers, claims and counter claims. Whenever I pick up a bottle in the chemist or department store I first fish around in my handbag for my spectacles then pretend to study the lengthy list of ingredients written in ant-writing. At that point it becomes apparent that I have no idea what any of them are nor can I remember which ones I am meant to steer clear of. Generally I end up either A: buying it anyway and then not using it because I later discover that it is chock full of of mutoid toxic waste that will shortly have me sprouting an extra head, or B: putting it back in confusion and then going home to take a couple of Asprin and lie down in a darkened room.

Chemo Chic is all about maintaining one's feminine identity in the face of the physical and emotional ravages of breast cancer. I know that most beauty products are overpriced and probably ineffective. But they're fun and they make me feel lovely. I recoil from the idea of living out my days as a hemp-clad, sweat-stained, bare-faced troll. Yet neither do I wish to be blasé about factors that may encourage the growth of malignant tumours. I genuinely want to learn how to avoid loading my body with possible carcinogens and endocrine disruptors such as: Parabens; Phthalates; Sodium Lauryl Sulfate and 1,4-Dioxane, to name but a few.

Of course most of us lack the wherewithal to race out and buy a whole new stock of these expensive goodies. I have put in place a regime of replacing them over time. So whenever I run out of, say, body lotion or shower gel, I look around for a more innocuous product to take its place on my bathroom shelf.

I have come to the conclusion that the best approach is to keep it simple. Now I look for products that contain only natural substances (whatever that actually means).
In the hope that my endeavours may save you some time and energy I will begin reviewing some of the beauty products that I have tried.

Product: REN Rose 012 Ultra-Moisture Serum (30ml £40)

REN state that their products contain ‘NO Petrochemicals, Sulfates, Parabens, Synthetic fragrance, Synthetic colours, T.E.A., DEA, Glycols, Silicones, PEGS.’ So that’s a good starting point. Then again, neither does fish paste but I wouldn’t necessarily put it on my face.
This luxurious facial oil is light and absorbs into my skin without leaving any sticky or oily residue. It leaves my face feeling soft and wonderfully hydrated. I’ve been using it for six months now and can honestly say that my skin looks bright and supple. Best of all it smells utterly divine.

Ingredients (as listed on the REN website): Oryza Sativa (Rice) Germ Oil, Simmondsia Chinensis (Jojoba) Oil, Caprylic/Capric Triglyceride (Source Coconut Oil), Camellia Oleifera Seed Oil, Glycine Soja (Soybean) Oil, Macademia Ternifolia Seed Oil, Ximenia Americana Seed Oil, Rosa Canina Fruit Oil, Rosa Damascena Flower Oil, Citrus Medica Limonum (Lemon) Peel Oil, Citronellol, Geraniol, Eugenol, Linalool, Citral, Farnesol, Limonene, Phospholipid (source Soybean), Oryzanol (Source Rice), Vaccinium Macrocarpon (Cranberry) Seed Oil, Hippophae Rhamnoides (Seabuckthorn) Berry Oil, Omega 6 Ceramide (source Carthame), Tocopherol (Vitamin E).

Thursday, 8 July 2010

Oh, Magnificent Moth

Look who I found on my front doorstep.

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

Lily’s Stress Reduction Programme: Day 2

Fitness: I went to Siobhan’s wonderful yoga class and stood on my head for a while.

Friends: Watched football with Ben.

Flaking: Had an afternoon nap.

Things I got for free today: A cup of tea and a biscuit after yoga class. As I was paying for my organic veggies the manager of Daylesford’s Organics asked me “do you like mustard?” When I replied, “yes, I love mustard” he presented me with three jars of posh mustard, for free.

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Lily’s Stress Reduction Programme: Day 1

Singing: Daisy knocks on the door. It seems like ages since we sang together. That’s because it has been ages. I flick the kettle on, load the cd and pretty soon we are leaping around the living room warbling scales and arpeggios like a couple of nightingales.

Food: For lunch I visit the Rainforest Café. It opened at Urban Bliss, Portobello Road, whilst I was out of the country and sells fresh, home made raw food.

Friends: Sheldon called from the fishmonger’s. “Salmon or halibut, Lily?” He brings fresh halibut and I bake it with olive oil and lime juice. Ben, Sheldon and I watch Holland beat Uruguay (poetic justice).

Things I got for free today: A singing lesson. A sublime, bespoke scent.

Aromatherapy


I have come to visit my friend Celia Lyttelton. Celia wrote a wonderful book called The Scent Trail - A Journey of the Senses. In it she tells the tale of her travels to exotic places to discover the origins and the histories of the ingredients of her own perfume.

Amongst the many revolting side effects of chemotherapy are nausea, mouth and tongue ulcers and a metallic taste in one’s mouth. Eating food becomes a bit of a chore. Lovely smells can be a refuge. Whilst I was having chemo the pleasure of inhaling a scented candle or soaking in a tub laced with herbal bath milk was heightened.

Aroma-Chology is some kind of study of the psychological effects of smells. It seems that pretty much every right-minded person adores the aroma of coffee and abhors the stink of burning hair. But between those extremes of the olfactory spectrum lie forests, fields and oceans of subtle smells. According to the website of the Sense of Smell Institute, the average human can recognise about 10,000 different smells. Our reactions to scent seem to be highly individualistic. They are tied up with our memories, our hormones, our age and maybe our body chemistry. Nobody really knows why one smell will raise our spirits and another have us reaching for the razor blades.

Anyway, Celia has offered me an astounding gift. She is going to make me my own bespoke scent.

We sit at a small table in the glassed-in balcony of a high-ceilinged Notting Hill flat. Outside the window a large orange butterfly dries its newborn wings in the sunshine. Several black boxes are stacked on the table amongst the toy cars, coffee cups and piles of bills. Celia opens the boxes to reveal hundreds of small bottles with hand-written paper labels. Each of these contains a pure scent. The little sunroom suddenly seems to me like a treasure cave. These tiny phials have the mystique of rare and magic potions. And indeed, some of the extracts take many years to produce whilst others are more valuable than gold. The scents are organised into different families, for example: summer flowers; greens; leathers; gourmands; powders and so on. Celia produces a bundle of white paper strips. She dips the strips one at a time into the scent bottles and begins presenting me with tiny aromatic morsels.

I had imagined that I would just love them all and be completely unable to decide which smells had meaning for me, or what might work with what. I was surprised to discover that I have quite a discerning nose. The very first smell that Celia presents me with is red carnation. I reject it straight away. “Too soapy,” I declare. Interesting because normally I like the smell of carnations. As we work swiftly through the bottles I find myself expertly dividing the perfumed strips into ‘yes’ and ‘no’ groups. I can’t quite tell you why but this is turning out to be the most joyful thing I have done for a long time. What started out as an interesting exercise has grabbed my heart. Next I begin to reduce the ‘yes’ group by a process of elimination.

After a couple of hours we have arrived at the definitive five smells that float my boat. The formula is top-secret so I can’t tell you what they are. How do I know that these are the scents for me? It is hard to say. Smelling them produces a primal response. I feel all at once excited, warm, sexy, free, alive and at peace. It’s the feeling of being tucked up in bed whilst a wild storm lashes at the windows and it’s the feeling of lying on warm sand as a soft breeze strokes my body. Celia adds just two drops of each to a small puddle of wheat-germ oil that lies in the bottom of an antique porcelain bowl. She presents me with the bowl. I take a deep breath and I am repelled. The perfume is sickly, cloying, sweet and overwhelming. “Oh no,” I say, “I’ve got it all wrong. Those don’t work together at all.” I’m crestfallen.

But Celia is not daunted “It just needs one more ingredient,” she advises me, “what do you think it should be?” I’m fascinated to find that I immediately know which box I want to go to. “Something green,” I say. My fingers hover around the box, picking up and putting down bottles until I draw out one labelled cut grass. I dip in a paper strip and take a sniff. Guess what it smells like – exactly. “I think this is the one.” Celia adds two drops of cut grass to the bowl and swirls it in. I bend my head to the bowl and breathe in the fumes. My perfume has magically transformed from nauseating to mesmerising. I inhale again. “Oh my goodness, Celia, this is sublime. It’s as if the cut grass has just gathered all the other smells up in its arms and made them dance together. It works.”

“We have to give it a name,” says Celia. “It reminds me of a meadow.” I say, “It’s a place that I visualise in my Yoga Nidra. In my mind I lie in a meadow on the edge of a cliff, overlooking the sea. There is a stream running through the meadow. Beside the stream is a beautiful Indian Bean Tree. Under the tree is a large, flat rock. I lie in the meadow and see wildflowers and long grasses quivering all around me.” We look up at the wall. Hanging there is a small painting of a field. The title of the painting is: Elysian Fields Seen From the Spring of Helicon. “Google it!” cries Celia.

Here is what we learned. Helicon is a mountain in Greece. In Greek mythology, on Mount Helicon were two springs, sacred to the muses. The Hippocrene spring burst forth when Pegasus struck its hoof on a rock. From Wikipedia: ...the poet Hesiod sang how in his youth he had pastured his sheep on the slopes of Helicon where Eros and the Muses already had sanctuaries and a dancing-ground near the summit, where "their pounding feet awaken desire". There the Muses inspired him and he began to sing of the origins of the gods. Thus Helicon became an emblem of poetical inspiration.

So we christened my scent ‘Helicon’, although I still reserve the right to change the name.

Celia diluted the twelve drops of pure scent with enough base oil to fill a tiny vial. It is now sitting in my fridge where it has to stay for a week to mature. That miniscule bottle holds no more than a couple of teaspoons full of perfume but every time I take the lid off it I am transported, enraptured, to a meadow by a spring on the edge of my imaginary Mount Helicon.

Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

On the news: Depression increases the risk of dementia. The researchers are not sure why but think it may be linked to the amount of stress hormones released by the body when we are depressed.

On this blog I recently wrote a reply to a reader who spoke of committing suicide. I talked about how, for me, the loss of hope is more distressing than the fear of death. And that is what I have been grappling with. Even though the surgery was shocking, the chemotherapy was hideously debilitating and the radiotherapy was weirdly frightening, throughout all of that time I maintained a fundamentally optimistic position. Deep down I believed that I would get through this and put it all behind me. I was unshakeably convinced that breast cancer would be an episode in my life, that it would not be my life. When Nick betrayed and abandoned me that all changed. I felt that I could not trust my own judgement. “If I was so wrong about Nick, what else am I wrong about?” I ask myself. Everything that I had believed in has been undermined, including my belief that I will get well.

I’ve heard depression described as sadness and grief that goes on for a long time. If that is the cast then I am experiencing depression. The headshrinkers call it ‘reactive’ rather than ‘clinical’ but I wonder if the risks are the same?

This is a worry. If it ever came down to a straight choice between dying of cancer and living out my days with Alzheimer’s disease, I would take the cancer every day of the week.

So, enough of this depression. Starting from today I will institute Lily's personal stress-reduction programme and report the results right here on this blog.

Monday, 5 July 2010

Where There Is a Will

You may recall a year or so ago, back when I was first diagnosed, Nick and I were rushing around Harley Street getting scans and generally trying to make sense of it all and, between surgeries, Nick asked me if I had made a will.

I’ve been avoiding that question ever since. I know it makes sense but making a will just never quite seems to get to the top of my list of priorities. I did go to WH Smith and buy a ready-made-do-it-yourself will kit. It sat amidst the pile of papers on my table for months. Every time I caught a glimpse of it my heart sank.

I took it to Australia. I figured that, since it was his idea in the first place, Nick would be kind enough to hold my hand whilst I filled it out. Ha! After that the sight of the damned thing distressed me even more. It became a physical symbol of just how on my own I am.

But I couldn’t in good conscience just chuck it out. I mean, every sensible person has a will don’t they? Especially those sensible people who have had a potentially fatal illness. So I packed it in my suitcase and flew it all the way back to London. I shuffled it back in amongst all the other difficult to deal with documents on the table.

Today I came across Gloss Legal, an online will making service. It is so simple, a matter of filling out a straightforward step-by-step form. First off they ask you to name your executors. They ask if you have any particular items that you would like to leave to particular people. I have quite a few paintings and photographs that I know some members of my family will like. Then it asks if you want to make any cash gifts to charities or specific people. Next it asks you to divvy up the remainder of your estate, naming the beneficiaries and ascribing the percentage of your loot that they will receive. Finally it asks if you would like to be buried or cremated and if you hanker for any special funeral arrangements. Obviously, since my friend’s funeral last week, this has been consuming my thoughts. I had already mentally composed a list of songs.

The great thing is that it is all saved as one goes along. I could go back and add or change things as they occurred to me. The website claims it will take 20 minutes and cost £39. In the end it took about an hour-and-a-half and cost £69. That is still a small price to pay to get one particularly gnarly problem dealt with.

Friday, 2 July 2010

It Was a Robbery

On behalf of my fellow Ghanaians everywhere: "Booooooooo!"

Thursday, 1 July 2010

Funeral for a Friend

This sunny London morning, in a narrow Soho street, two magnificent dusky horses with black ostrich plumes on their heads stand harnessed to a glass carriage. The horses snort softly and occasionally toss their flowing manes. A quiet crowd is gathered here, mostly dressed in black with the occasional flash of scarlet or hot pink. We chat in subdued tones. Inside the carriage my friend lies in his coffin. The coffin is made of cardboard, covered with red sparkly paper, decorated with ruby crystals and paper flowers. An outlandishly huge, black top hat wobbles on the roof of the carriage.

The funeral cortège sets off and the crowd fall in behind. Following the carriage, we process slowly around the streets of Soho for about an hour in our high heels until our feet nearly drop off. Eventually we arrive at St James’s church, Piccadilly. The church is already packed to the rafters. After everyone has squeezed onto a pew the coffin is carried in. The service is moving, joyful and elegant. Everything about the funeral is perfect: the glass carriage; the sunflowers; the readings and tributes; the press photographers; the eye-catching outfits; the circus atmosphere. Of course the one person who would have enjoyed it the most is not here to share the experience. At the end my friend’s coffin is carried out to the music of his beloved Marc Bolan singing 20th Century Boy.

It is unutterably sad to see a coffin carried away for the last time and to know that a kind, infuriating, contrary, funny, morose, witty, messed-up, sweet human lies inside it, his body about to be burned to ashes.

The mourners regroup in the churchyard for drinks. Later the wake moves to a club in Soho where there is more chatting and the showing of a funny and touching film.

At five p.m. the wake is still going strong but I have to leave. I have an appointment with my therapist.

I sit on the therapist’s couch and cry for an hour. My friend wasn’t my lover, or my brother. He was not the most important person in my life, nor I in his. But he was my friend, for better or worse. His death is yet another loss.

My friend didn’t please everybody in this world. He didn’t try to. What I can say for certain is this: for all his foibles, he was loved.