Friday, 6 August 2010

Carry On, Doctor

Back to the hospital. I feel I should simply move in here to save the running up and down. My chauffeur-du-jour is the lovely Carlton, boyfriend of my equally lovely friend Sheryl. These two have been together for ever and a day. I’m pleased to say that they’re to be married in December. Pleased for me, that is – I love going to weddings.

Nurse Diana is on duty today. She greets me with a big kiss on each cheek. Mr Hadjiminas extends his hand. “I can explain,” I blurt, pulling the big pink bandage from my handbag and brandishing it at him. “I took it off. It was squashing my new breast. I was worried that it might become permanently deformed.” Mr H looks aghast. “I’m wearing the compression bra,” I add, as if in mitigation.

“Well let’s have a look at you,” says Mr H. I strip to the waist and he prods my back. “Much better...” Rather than admonish me for being neurotic Mr H takes a conciliatory approach. “Maybe we can put some padding inside the bandage to support your breast?” he muses, “Or cut a hole in it?” He sits down behind me. The couch tips precariously in his direction. “Don’t get up!” shouts Diana, “Lily will go flying into the wall”

“Steroid,” says Mr H. Nurse Diana holds up an ampoule and a syringe. “Expiry 2014” she reads from the label. “What, so we’re using unexpired stuff these days?” comments Mr H. As he inserts the needle into my back I try to hold still but I can’t. My body is just shaking with laughter.