Friday, 15 January 2010

Alone Again

I am in Sydney now, staying at the home of a friend of a friend, who has been kind enough to put me up. So I am wandering around a big, beautiful, empty house, alone.

But I honestly don’t know what I am doing here. I feel more desolate now than I have at any time in the last year.

I have read back over the many hundreds of comments that readers have left, both on this blog and on facebook, since Chemo Chic began. It is bittersweet to read about how much fun we all had, laughing in the face of cancer. And it breaks my heart to be reminded of the hope that I held for the future. As I read, I re-live that joyous anticipation, for a moment. Then reality punches me in the stomach. I now know how misplaced my hope was.

Thank you, everyone, for all your comments. Please keep them coming. They mean a lot to me.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear you so down. I know exactly what you mean, thinking you had done the most difficult bit. Waiting for your normal life to resume. Post treatment is in reality mentally much harder. I'm right there with you and still do the one day at a time thing that gets you through chemo. I hope it gets better for you.x

shotgun said...

The future hasn't gone anywhere! I guess it's a different shape now though. It will be OK. If you weren't feeling like this, something would be weird. You have been through so much,with so much grace and are truly an inspiration to me and many others. The darkest hour is just before dawn as they say. I'm gonna email you anyway. All Love xxx

Iris said...

90 in 90

canalily said...

Yep. Starting today

Eve said...

love you, miss you, miss our midnight tea parties.xxxxx