Storm clouds by cjohnson7
Fear of having my first follow-up scans is haunting my mind. If I could run down to Harley Street and have them RIGHT NOW, I would (it’s 2 a.m.). I want them out of the way so I can get on with my life. And if the news is not good... well I would rather know than not. But my appointment is scheduled for Monday so I have a long weekend in prospect.
I have lost a lot of weight. I tell myself that could be caused by emotional distress and smoking. I wake up sweating in the night. Fear? A side effect of Tamoxien? I find myself fingering a lump under my arm. Mr Hargreaves said it is just scar tissue.
In all likelihood I am well and clear of cancer. My chances are excellent. But am I jinxing myself by saying that? ...and so the obsessive thoughts go around.
I try not to worry. How, exactly, does one do that?
In the rehab I met a hilarious woman called Vic. She has a great technique. We named it ‘The Vic Flick’. Whenever a self-defeating thought crosses her mind Vic says, “thanks for the information” and flicks a finger, like a windscreen wiper, across her forehead.
My forehead is becoming a touch chafed.
I guess that the best thing that I can do is renew my commitment to positive daily action.
So I have devised the official Canalily weight gain diet:
- Stop smoking
- Eat lots